Lindsey (my wife) and I are in this place of waiting and total and complete dependence on God. I have been unemployed and looking for work for a while now and we have no hope of doing this on our own. I always thought it was funny when people said with a big smile on their face, "be careful what you pray for, God will answer." They laugh and smile and i used to laugh along.
Well... I prayed for dependence.
How could they say such a statement with a smile? Here is what I can say, on the other side of this I will most likely smile and laugh. But, now when we don't have money to pay rent and eat it is a little harder. Don't get me wrong. I love that we are learning of God's faithfulness and provision. Literally, money would show up on our doorstep and in our mailboxes. We are learning how hard tithe really is... when you need the money to live and then you give.
I'm glad that God is breaking us from the mold of narcissistic self-focused christianity. I'm glad that we have been able to grow closer together with each other and with God. I'm even glad that we can feel what it is like to fear. But, it is still hard.
I wish I could show you in the Bible encouraging words that are about us living healthy and wealthy. I wish that i was able to show you that if God cares about you then you will never have to worry about life and money. But as we read. We see that God wants us to be dependent on him. We see Gideon. He was led by God to go to battle and he had at least 32,000 men with him. Then God says... "you have too many men... so Israel will know it was ME, send away those who are afraid." So, 20, 000 men left. Ouch. But, even worse. God said, nope... still too many men. Gideon ended up defeating the Midians with 300 men. Can you imagine what that must have been like??? Gideon was already skeptical before he saw the size of the army God wanted to use. Now... 300 men.
That is the God we serve. He is the same yesterday, today, and forevermore. The same God that fought with Gideon is my Lord. That is real hope.
"Father, Abba, you know our fears, you know the battles we face, please comfort us and protect us. Lord, I love that song, "God of our yesterdays." Not that You WERE our God. But rather, that You were faithful in our yesterdays. So, how much more should we trust You today? Abba, please fill us with Your Spirit and help us to walk in faith and realize our dependence on You."
God of our yesterdays - Matt Redman
2 comments:
Have you heard "desert song" by Hillsong? Relates I think :)
Totally agree. Desert Song is great too!
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